Life in the Slow Lane

Contemplating life, faith, words, and memories

Tag: healing through writing

Breaking News! — August 1, 2023
news, newspaper, reading news, man reading news

Breaking News!

/Sherrey Meyer/11 Comments

It was about a year ago I posted for the last time, and at the time I wasn’t planning to come back to my site. Accurate information makes for truthful news, so I’ll say my last post was on August 11, 2022.

Recently, my heart and mind spoke to one another, with help from my Spiritual Advisor above. The words I heard reflected on how I had always said I’d never stop writing. But I had!

The voices I heard suggested I try it. I agreed to do so. 

Try to drop by on Friday, August 11, 2023, for my first post since the date above. After that post, I will begin posting every other Wednesday for starters and eventually get back, I hope and pray, to the weekly post on Wednesday.

Hope to see you soon,

the-adelyne-script-font

Featured Image Attribution: Photo by MART PRODUCTION

Guest Post: The Choice of Invisibility by Destiny Allison, Author of the Romance Diet: Body Image and the Wars We Wage on Ourselves — January 28, 2016

Guest Post: The Choice of Invisibility by Destiny Allison, Author of the Romance Diet: Body Image and the Wars We Wage on Ourselves

/Sherrey Meyer

It is my pleasure to take part in Destiny Allison’s WOW! Blog Tour for her new memoir, Romance Diet: Body Image and the Wars We Wage On Ourselves. Destiny writes a bold yet honest memoir about making life changes in the midst of the cultural battles we wage on ourselves and with our culture. Today Destiny looks at “The Choice of Invisibility.”

On Friday, January 29th, at Puddletown Reviews, I will share my review of Destiny’s new memoir. I hope  you will join me for a look at her book in more detail.

Now join me in welcoming Destiny!

THE CHOICE OF INVISIBILITY

Healing, like writing, is a slow and difficult process. One day, one word at time, we fill the holes in our hearts. Each word is a drop of water in a dry pond. It is a tear finally shed, a hurt undone. The process not only heals us, it empowers us to do things differently in the future because it changes the way we see ourselves.

Unfortunately, changing the present is more challenging. As we work to give voice to our stories and release them, we are under a constant barrage of cultural norms that seek to diminish us. It takes great courage to rally our voices in a surging storm.

Nine times out of ten, if I’m in a business meeting with my husband (who is also my business partner), our associate will direct the conversation toward him. If I interject with a thought or comment, I’m often completely ignored. My husband knows this and works with me to balance the conversation, but he, too, is up against cultural norms.

Men are supposed to make the decisions. Women are to be quiet and not rock the boat. We’re the support system, not the engine. As such, we’re often invisible, even when that’s the last thing we want.

In every industry in this country, women are underrepresented, minimized, or ignored. Amy Schumer and other celebrities are working diligently to change the system and create opportunity for women to be heard, but try acting like Schumer in real life and the results are as disastrous as they are comical.

In my new book, The Romance Diet: Body Image and the Wars We Wage on Ourselves, I chronicle an experience I had a few years ago. At that time, my husband and I had recently acquired a bankrupt shopping center. It was the height of the downturn and we had our work cut out for us.

I have long believed that the only thing we can control is what we give, so I created a community giveback that I thought was win-win. I built a professional art gallery, complete with track lighting and moveable walls, and gave it to a different group of local artists every month. I taught them the business of art, helped them with pricing, statements, and hanging their shows. They used the space and my time for free and kept 100% of their sales.

One of the first art openings attracted several hundred people. Someone my husband had done business with for years attended. He couldn’t say enough about the gallery or the event. “What a great gift! This is so important, so necessary, so good for the community,” he told my husband. My husband thanked him and replied, “Let me introduce you to my wife. She’s the one behind all of this. I just pointed the lights.” The man checked out my body, turned back to my husband and said, “Well, it’s just great of you to support her little projects.” My husband’s mouth dropped open. He took my hand and pulled me away, speechless. He had never experienced this kind of behavior because he had never partnered with a woman. For me, it was one example of many.

As we toil away at our manuscripts, we face the probability that our voices will never be heard because, well, women are supposed to be invisible. On top of that, a million books are published every year in this country and most of them won’t sell a hundred copies. And yet, we keep typing the words. For women, these words are essential. The gates have crumbled and gate keepers, who overwhelmingly publish men over women, are scrambling to survive. Today, the publishing revolution has given courageous women a chance to tell our stories. Invisibility is a choice. We can go with conventional norms, or we can create our own storm.2

Thank you, Destiny, for joining my readers and me today to share your thoughts and feelings on what, for me at least, is an area of pointed abuse and influence against women in today’s business world. Of particular interest are the statements related to the writing and publishing of works by women.

 

THE BOOK

Advance praise:

IN HER LATEST BOOK, DESTINY ALLISON HAS DEFTLY PARSED THAT FEMINIST CLICHÉ THE PERSONAL IS THE POLITICAL IN A FRESH NEW WAY. THE SEARCH FOR THE AUTHENTIC SELF IS NEW FOR EVERY GENERATION AND ALLISON’S BOOK IS A VALUABLE CONTRIBUTION TO THAT QUEST FOR TODAY’S WOMEN.

–PATRICIA MURPHY, PHD, JOHN D. & CATHERINE T. MACARTHUR FOUNDATION WOMEN’S HEALTH POLICY FELLOW AND AUTHOR OFMAKING CONNECTIONS: WOMEN, WORK, AND ABUSE

Brave, raw, and unflinchingly honest, this book is a weight loss journey, a love story, a heart beating loudly on the page. Every day we battle against something–injustice, our spouses, our weight. Seldom do we acknowledge the real wars we wage. Repressing feelings and silencing our voices, we suffer under the surface, attributing emotional distress and unwanted pounds to the inescapable effects of hormones or age.

But weight gain, anxiety, and marital difficulties aren’t always so easy to explain.

In her poignant and touching memoir, Allison doesn’t offer recipes, exercise tips, or advice. Instead, she shows us how to stand up, express what we want, and develop empathy for ourselves and the people we love. In doing so, she provides invaluable insight for those seeking to lose weight, save a marriage, or make a significant life change.

Includes a Readers Guide.

PURCHASE THE BOOK: AMAZON

MEET THE AUTHOR

Destiny Allison was a professional and award-winning sculptor. Her work is collected by individuals, civic entities, and corporations worldwide. When an injury required her to re-envision her life, Allison did what she always does. She applied her explosive creativity and dog-with-a-bone tenacity to new endeavors.

In 2011 she was named Santa Fé Business Woman of the Year. Her community building efforts and innovative business model transformed a bankrupt shopping center into a thriving community and commercial center.

In 2012 she published her first book, Shaping Destiny: A quest for meaning in art and life. The book won best independent non-fiction/memoir in the 2013 Global Book Awards.

Since then, she has published two novels and opened a general store.

Allison believes that one’s life is one’s greatest work of art. Hence, she flows freely between mediums. Unafraid to make mistakes and always passionate, she lives in Santa Fé, NM.

CONNECT WITH DESTINY:

Facebook | TWITTER | WEBSIte

Have you ever chosen invisibility? Have you ever stood up to those who want to make you invisible? Why not share your experiences in the comments below?

6 What If’s of Memoir Writing — September 30, 2015

6 What If’s of Memoir Writing

/Sherrey Meyer/11 Comments

As I have traveled the memoir writing path, I have faced a number of “what if” questions. Perhaps you are beginning to write your story or are midway through. It’s possible these same questions have haunted you. Let me share with you how I have resolved some of these stumbling blocks.

WHAT IF I don’t know what to write?

Not everyone knows what they are going to write when they begin a book. That’s why we write the first draft without pausing to edit or correct as we go. This “stream of consciousness” writing will allow the memories or family stories to come back to you.

If you have a central subject, such as abuse, violence, grief, or illness, to build on, it will be easier to begin. But not everybody starts this way. Perhaps you have a diary or journal from some important time in your life. That will be a great help.

WHAT IF my memories are not 100% clear?

Memories are like photographs. Some fading occurs over the years. But items like photos, letters, diaries, or journals will sharpen those memories. Talking with family or friends about times past will also benefit in calling up memories for you. And, believe it or not, certain smells, colors, or places will do the same. Give it a try.

WHAT IF someone challenges my truth? WHAT IF family members object to my writing my story?

Your story is your story. Therefore, what you recall about your story is your truth. Not everyone in a family, workplace, group, or community remembers every incident the same. Not everyone in a family will be excited about your project. We are attuned to what goes on around us in different ways. We don’t perceive the same visuals or audibles, nor do we have the same abilities of recall. If someone questions your truth or recall or reason for writing, remind them this is how you remember it and if they don’t remember things the same, they’ll need to tell their own story.

WHAT IF family members don’t want to be included in my story?

This is a difficult question and a difference of opinion on this point is best handled on each particular writer’s watch. In my case, I have two brothers who could play major roles in some of my memories. I have asked their permission to include them by name; they have not responded. I have decided to include them with only generic references to who they are, i.e. “my older brother” and “my younger brother.” However, I’m writing under my name, using my family name and my parents’ full names, and people are going to know who those brothers are. I do not, however, include any stories of which I do not have first-hand knowledge.

If this is an issue in your writing experience, you will need to discuss this with your family members. Some may ask to see what you’ve written about them and if they ask politely, you may choose to cut any references unpleasing to them.

WHAT IF my story is the same story someone else has written?

My story is similar to many memoirs written before and some written in the future will be similar to mine and many others. It is a story of parental abuse. Yet, I am able to get beyond this “what if” because I believe my story is able to offer hope to victims in similar circumstances. It is my belief that each story resonates for at least one person who reads it. If that reader gains a miniscule grain of hope, then my writing has not been in vain.

WHAT IF no one wants to read my story?

Every writer faces this question. We have no way of knowing who, if anyone will want to read our stories or books. Writers usually write because they love the written word. Many cannot go a day without writing. We can only hope our articulation of our stories is capable of moving into the mainstream of books written. In so doing, they will perhaps make it to a bookshelf in a retail setting, a stack in a local library, or if digitally published to a site where traffic brings an interested reader our way. Don’t fret over whether someone will read your story. Write it first and then see what happens.

I hope these have been helpful to anyone facing some or all the “what if’s” I have addressed. If there is one I haven’t listed, and there are some, please let me know and I’ll add them to a later post.

WHAT ABOUT YOU? If you have faced some of these or other “what if’s” in your writing, how have you handled them?

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