March 25, 2013
Dear Mama,
I thought perhaps I’d written enough letters to get me through writing my story. I fear that is not the case.
Something happened a couple of days ago that jarred my emotions. Bob and I were talking through a very minor detail about something one of us had misplaced. In the course of our detective actions, I managed to say the words “I’m sorry” several times.
Bob wanted to know why when the most minor thing seemed
amiss that I always said, “I’m sorry.” I stopped to think about his question, and I was immediately transported back to my childhood.
With tears in my eyes, I looked up into Bob’s brown eyes full of love and concern. It had suddenly occurred to me that everything in my childhood required me to apologize. To make amends, to attempt to make it right, to say I’m sorry.
And now, at 66, I still say it too often and in all the wrong places, even when it isn’t mine to apologize for or to make right. I need to shake this loose, toss it aside, kick it to the curb. I don’t know how I’ll do this — it’s almost a unconcious response. I’m hoping that from somewhere up there you’ll give me a sign that it’s OK to rid myself of these words.
I know you had no idea what you were doing to me or why. I understand that with all my heart. And some day I’ll explain just how I know. For now, just help me throw the “I’m sorry’s” away!
Pleading for your help,
Sherrey
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Image credit: Amalielle
