The Center

Like storm clouds gathering, I felt the darkness creeping in the last couple of weeks. I fought hard to stave it off. Yet, it’s a battle I wage from time to time. 

Just as I sensed clarity and brightness in my well-being, the world fell victim to COVID-19. Each day’s news included escalating numbers of cases and staggering deaths. No treatment, no vaccine, no real plan for a pandemic. I began to read and listen.
 
It is a topic hard to push aside. My best try was to take time off from social media and online news. And yet what I’m trying to ignore seeps in. 
 
On May 25, 2020, it was as if a second catalyst took our country by storm. George Floyd, an African-American man, was murdered in Minneapolis by a police officer.

Continue reading “The Center”

True Confessions

Remember the magazine True Confessions? As an adolescent, I sneaked my sister-in-law’s copies of True Confessions to the creek banks. I’m not sure why I thought I had to take them to the creek behind the home where she and my brother lived, but I did.
 
The words “true confessions” have been playing havoc with my mind over the last couple of weeks. My blog looks neglected and forgotten with fewer posts published. And my presence on social media isn’t what it usually is. There are three reasons. As my readers and followers, you should know I’m not going away.
 
First, I managed to connect with a nasty cold and cough germ that kept me down for almost two weeks. Second, my laptop caught a virus or two or three. It was “hospitalized” for several days last week. Sadly, I didn’t even miss it. I found joy, peace, and calm in reading, coloring, and music.
 
And for the third reason, a hazard of my first spinal fusion in 2001 has raised its ugly (and I mean UGLY) head. I’m now seeing yet another doctor to bring this pain under control. We were told there was nothing to control the pain caused by the bone graft. Today patients are fortunate that cadaver bone is available for bone grafting. If we can get this pain controlled, it will be the first time in almost four years I am pain-free. 
 
For the next few weeks, I plan to focus on healing both my body and my mind. Healing the body is difficult when also dealing with depression. It takes time and a commitment to exercising, eating well, and allowing the self to heal.
 
One post per week is my plan. These posts will include reviews of recently published memoirs. I’ve also read some good books on writing creative nonfiction essays, and I plan to review them. I hope you’ll enjoy these posts.
 
Thanks for reading my words today.

Blue

As a little girl, I loved the color blue. Perhaps that was because my red-headed mother loved it too. Today it’s no longer a favorite of mine.

As I awoke this morning, I had the sensation that blue had seeped in overnight. I laid in bed ignoring the time. Getting out of bed wasn’t at the top of my list of things to do. It felt as if a heavy weight had been placed on my shoulders overnight.

Despite my best efforts, some days during this recovery are downers. A few posts earlier I wrote on the topic of patience. In the last paragraph, I boldly stated how I wanted to handle my attitude going forward.

Today I’m asking myself where did that woman go. 

 

Image attribution: Kristine Lejniece from Pixabay 

Chronic Illness and the Writer | A Series (Part 1)

What defines a chronic illness?

Depending on what resource you use, you may find a variety of answers to this question. However, in my research as a writer and a patient, it appears the duration of an illness usually labels it as “chronic.” The length required in the health insurance industry is a duration of at least three months or longer. Overall, the medical profession usually considers one year as defining chronic illness.

An article authored by Wullianallur Raghupathi and Viju Raghupathi and published in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Health (the “Raghupathi findings”) shares the following definition of chronic illness:

‘a physical or mental health condition that lasts more than one year and
causes functional restrictions or requires ongoing monitoring or treatment’

Three months doesn’t seem all that long, and yet a year seems like a long time to be under the veil of illness. But suppose the illness or condition lasts longer. Let’s say the rest of your life. Based on your age, that could be several decades or a few years. Take into account the illness or condition and it could be a stressful situation for you and perhaps those you love.

How many people suffer from chronic illnesses?

The Raghupathi findings state that almost half of all Americans (45% or 133 million) suffer from one or more chronic conditions or illnesses. The persistence of such illnesses drive up hospitalizations, insurance costs, long-term disability payments, and death. The only factor showing a downward movement is the quality of life.

A quick look at some common chronic illnesses.

The following listing was compiled with the assistance of the Internet and should not be considered all-inclusive:

As noted, this is not a complete listing of chronic illnesses or conditions that fall under the description used by insurance companies or healthcare facilities as “chronic.” For example, there are numerous conditions which create chronic pain in some individuals. Likewise, respiratory conditions are diagnosed which over the long-term will cause a patient to struggle with chronic breathing issues.

Before moving on, I want to clarify that this post is written with writers in mind. However, it is not intended to imply that other individuals, no matter their profession or career, don’t fall victim to chronic illnesses and the struggles mentioned here. My personal experience is my lens into the subject matter and, therefore, writers and writing are my focus here.

Also, I am not a medical professional. Any tips and/or advice shared are my personal tools for coping. Before using them, you should consult your personal physician.

Coping with a chronic illness.

Coping with chronic illness is not easy for anyone. Chronic illness disrupts not only the victim’s life but also the lives of family, friends, co-workers, and on and on. A chronic illness often begins a cycle of many other changes in the victim’s life, including the onset of depression, lack of society, changing eating habits, level of physical activity, often outward appearance, and more.

The side effects of the chronic illness or pain are sometimes more destructive than the primary illness itself. For example, depression is a component of my chronic pain. Days become long and sad when all your energy is focused on controlling the pain. Certain prescription medications, such as opioids, make bad matters worse in some instances.

Depression can lead to anger and frustration with never-ending illness or pain. When there are no new answers or treatments, it is easy to fall into a pattern of anger and often your anger is taken out on someone rather than the thing creating your emotional upset.

Sometimes you feel like burying your head under the covers and hibernating as a bear does in winter. But this isn’t a solution either. Withdrawing from the society of family and community leaves you feeling lonely, adding to the cycle of depression and anger.

Needless to say, none of these cyclical add-on symptoms help the main cause of the chronic illness knocking on the door of your life.

How does a writer function under these circumstances?

As writers, we’re encouraged to write every day. What do you do when every day isn’t always a good day? How do you move on with your writing when medications leave you in a mental fog? If your pain level is so intense nothing brings relief, how do you manage to put words on the page?

I can tell you firsthand it isn’t easy. You want to write, but somehow you can’t. You search for something that will trigger the flow of words, but nothing happens. Your head seems to be swirling out of control, and then…

Your mind becomes filled with a massive list of questions:

  • How will I meet my deadline?
  • How will I ever get through the edits on my manuscript?
  • I need to get out and get some research done. How can I manage that?
  • Getting out of bed to get my family out the door in the mornings is a challenge. What can I do to make it any easier for me, them?
  • Some days the depression envelops me. How can I break that cycle?
  • I’m angry and frustrated that my life is controlled by a chronic illness/pain. Is there some way to resolve this emotional state I’m in?
  • And likely this list could grow ad infinitum.

Conclusion.

Here is a good place to end Part 1. In Part 2, I share answers to some of the above questions and tips for coping with the chronic nature of some illnesses and pain.

Please feel free to share your thoughts and/or stories about someone you know who has a chronic illness or your own story if you’re comfortable doing so.