Today I am visiting with Susan Weidener at her blog, Women’s Writing Circle. I do hope you will join us for a discussion of hope and fear and what makes them inseparable as emotions. Come on over!
“Hope and fear are inseparable. There is no hope
without fear, nor any fear without hope.”
~ François de La Rochefoucauld
(French memoirist, 1613-1680)
What strange companions these two emotions are. Hope presents all we see as positive, and fear just the opposite showing all we believe negative. And yet, they are inseparable.
As a child growing up, I knew fear. My mother disciplined using fear in the form of verbal and emotional abuses. One of my greatest anxieties arose from the thought I might displease her. I knew too well the result of her displeasure. Because I hoped to please her, I never gave up trying despite fearing the reward for possibly failing.
An excerpt from my memoir in progress provides an example: (You can read more here . . . ),
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Wednesday, 9/11, I am guest posting at Madeline Sharples’ blog, Choices. I hope you’ll come and visit me there as I write on the topic, “Too Old to Write? Proof the Answer is No!”
[…] Susan Weidener (Hope and Fear: Inseparable Emotions) […]
Enjoyed your post. Writing is very healing. It’s helped me process a lot of pretty traumatic things. I kind of rediscovered writing January of last year and haven’t slowed yet. It’s given me a voice for the first time in a long time. It is one way I’ve learned I can’t be silenced. Unfortunately I’ve learned quite a bit about emotional and verbal abuse over the last several years as well. I’ve never asked and will never ask another woman how she could possibly stay in it or not know it’s going on. I don’t know if you’ve ever read it, but I found a great book at a used bookstore called The Verbally Abusive Relationship : How to Recognize it and How to Respond by Patricia Evans. It’s incredible and explained so much to me.
I continue to be amazed at the healing benefits of writing. I am in agreement with your comments about asking others how they stay in an abusive situation or not know what’s going on. Thanks much for the tip on the book. I’ve added it to my list to look for and read. I’ve decided it’s never too late to learn more! Thanks for stopping by today.
I read with interest the details about abuse you have hinted about on previous blogs, Sherrey. I too am familiar with the “nice long switch,” that was a belt or yard stick in my case. Sometimes there was isolation imposed also, which I have written about in a journal entitled “Kupschnellers and a Plunge into the Dungeon.” The perpetrator was my father, not my mother though. Journaling and the passage of time have both helped mellow my memories. Now, I remember my dad’s gifts of love for music, appreciation of nature, and intellectual curiosity which have helped to over-write (over-ride?) some of the negatives. As an adult, I now understand where some of his anger came from. That knowledge, of course, doesn’t excuse it, but does help explain it, which to some extent, satisfies my logical mind. Maybe someday I will have the courage to publish this chapter. Maybe on my blog?
Marian, thank you for stopping by and reading this morning. Yes, there were a variety of “switches” in Mama’s arsenal. In fact, my essay in Sonia Marsh’s anthology, My Gutsy Story, is entitled “Mama’s Arsenal.” You have hinted previously that it was your father, not your mother. Shortly before I moved my mother to Oregon I gained insight into her own childhood, and I found myself capable of forgiving some of what she had done and accepting that she did not know how to parent. As you said, it doesn’t excuse it but it did help explain it. I hope one day you’ll have the courage to share your story as it would help so many. However, if not, you have written out for yourself which is cathartic and healing. I’m so glad you shared with me today.
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